If you're a member of any human culture, you probably have some familiarity with what a deal with a demon typically entails. The general form is as follows: demon (such as myself) receives your soul in exchange for earthly services rendered, such as granting you money, power, a bountiful sex life, and so forth.

Such deals are all too easily and cheaply made. Here at Honest Evil, we have a different kind of deal in mind. Let me tell you right upfront: "Honest Sam" has no interest whatsoever in your "soul". I am not associated with any particular netherworld, and thus am not bound to fill any particular quota of souls for my devilish superior. What I am interested in is, quite frankly, more honest: your will to be terrorized, humiliated and degraded.

So "what's in it for me?", asks the annoying non-masochist. (The masochists generally are sold at this point.) As you submit to my sadistic whims, I absorb your agony and other negative energies, and can redirect them to bring misfortune and tribulation upon those whose stupidity, pretentiousness and lack of consideration made your life a living hell before I even came along. The cycle is a perfectly natural one: to use a common example,

1. Your spouse cheats on you.
2. You turn to me as an outlet for the worthlessness and helpless rage you feel.
3. I take in your torment.
4. I liberally redistribute the energy of your misery to destroy not only your spouse, but probably their lover and anyone else who remotely aggravates the situation.

The end result? That depends on how far you let me go, my friend. But here are some points to ponder:

• If your life is the kind of pit that makes hell look like a sunny place, I can put you out of your misery using methods far more creative than your typical suicide.
• If your will is particularly strong, there is an excellent chance that I will kill off all of your enemies before I cause your own death.
• You can end your agreement with me at almost any time. I cannot, however, guarantee that you'll be able to know when enough is enough for you.
• Most significantly, unlike the people who torment you every day with their stupidity, I admit that I am a demon, vicious, perverse and preoccupied with my own wants, as well as a professional at the purposeful causing of pain. Don't settle for the amateur mistreatment you receive in your everyday life! Don't tolerate the anguish forced upon you by those who 'never could' be monsters! Don't accept the self-righteous 'you can only blame yourself' or the weak 'you'll get over it; time heals all wounds' or the ever popular 'this is just a phase you're going through' from the lips of those who are the very source of your unhappiness! In short, don't put up with incompetant, half-ass, in-denial evil when you can have Honest Evil.

A disclaimer: As mentioned, I am not personally associated with any particular netherworld. Thus, I cannot be held responsible if your accepting my offer lands you in an unfortunate afterlife. Caveat Emptor.

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