- What is an incubus?
An incubus is a demon that rapes you while you're sleeping. Generally this occurs in a nightmare, but unpleasant aftereffects (such as pregnancy) are known to occur. The female of my species is traditionally called a succubus. This is all somewhat academic however, since we are shapeshifters who can take whatever form we choose, including changing genders.
- I signed up for your service, but I haven't had any dreams about you. What's up?
Evidently you don't believe in me quite enough. But if you complain enough, I may be persuaded to lower my charge from zero to zero, if you see what I'm saying.
- Everyone knows demons aren't real. Who are you really?
I'm not sure how to go about typing the booming evil laughter that this question deserves.
- Help!! Someone else signed me up with you! I don't want it!!!
Oh, spare me your "cold feet"-motivated lies. If you sign up and change your mind (or on the off chance that someone else did sign you up against your will) you will receive at least a night with me, after which you may dissolve the contract (I will take your name off my little list). I said you can break things off at almost any point, and it just so happens that "before Honest Sam gets any satisfaction at all" is not one of those points. I have noticed however that the majority of people remain with me... just sign up and you'll see why. ;)
- I signed a deal with you but I'm having second thoughts about unleashing all that psychic nastiness upon others. Now what?
Lucky you! Of course I will dissolve your contract, but before that can occur, simple karmic physics should tell you that all that unpleasantness I harvested from you has to go somewhere... depending on my mood, I will either return your psychic slime to you or distribute it freely as I please, whichever is likely to unhinge you the most. So take this as fair warning: there is no reward for delayed ethical misgivings in my black little world.
- Your page offends me. Boo hoo.
Don't let me slow you down in your search for someone who cares.
- Can anyone use your service?
Let's just say that I have no morals to speak of.
- Does it matter that I'm a virgin?
I will probably spoil you by making you too kinky for any future lover you may have. But don't let that stop you.
- From your nightmare suite descriptions, I'm wondering if you have some kind of problem with Jews/Women/some other group?
Nope. Honest Sam is proud to say that he hates all people equally, and will happily destroy anyone who signs up for a deal, regardless of race, creed, color, gender, age, weight or subculture.
- Don't you think that your service encourages sexual violence?
If you're complaining about me, I'm assuming that you're not very experienced with the Internet. Seriously though, I believe that what encourages sexual violence (and many other kinds) is stupidity, the inability to tell fantasy from reality, lack of willpower, emotional weakness and other such character traits. Demons such as myself only feed off of those problems that you humans already have. Besides, obviously video games and gothic music do more damage than I ever could. ;P
- Will you accept my firstborn child in exchange for your services?
Hell no. I hate screaming brats. If you're stuck with one, that's your problem, not mine.
- What about animals?
I also hate anything yappy.
- Are you related to Dr. Evil from Austin Powers?
No. Dr. Evil is a fictional character. Whereas I am disturbingly real, if you open your mind to me.
- Are you one of those goth devil-worshippers?
I cannot even begin to address the deep and pathetic ignorance of this question. Although I suppose I am vain enough to qualify as a devil-worshipper.
- Why do I get warning messages from your page? Is that God trying to warn me away from you?
No. That happens because your browser's security options are set to "anally paranoid."
This is a pointless gesture on your part because
(a) I have no interest in your computer's welfare or lack thereof (although there are demons who do...) and
(b) the security of your computer and the security of your soul are totally separate issues. (Warning from God
indeed... as if God gives a fuck about little you.)
|