The turnout at Hydra was a bit on the low side, but I think this is a combination of a) it being freezing outside and b) we are still getting organized as far as the promotion side of things goes.  The nice thing was though that the people who did come stayed practically from the beginning to the end, so it still felt busy for all intensive purposes.

One amusing moment:

Me: "So did you hear that I called that one guy an alcoholic asshole and told him to get the fuck out of my conversation?"
The barmaid: "I think we all heard that."
It's amusing having a rant-voice that is that loud even over club music.

Anyway, all in all a good night.  I'm glad I had the guest DJs, as due to a menstrual-migraine I had to take drugs the night before and then couldn't sleep, so having been up for 36 hours or something I wouldn't have been real thrilled to have to DJ if it was the whole night. 

Thanks to:

• arden_drake, cadredlight, diss_tress, electrohead242, jesse_fantastic and mauler for helping out on the door.  I don't know who all was actually on, as I have a feeling it was more than the two people who actually wrote their names down on the time sheet, but my thanks regardless to everyone for being available.
• DJs Darkenstein and Metalmaester for putting on a great show.
• The staff at Soda.
• Everyone who made it out to show their support for the night.

Here is the playlist:

Edit: the issue mentioned in this post has now been resolved. I'm just keeping the post so that I have a record for myself.

* * *

Chimera this last Thursday was really busy.  While the numbers were slightly lower than some other events, I think those who came showed up earlier and stayed longer.

There were a few frustrating sound problems, but I think I have now fixed them:

1. Skipping CDs on my right deck: I've now cleaned the lens and so far nothing that was skipping that night is skipping now.  I guess the moral of the story is "always carry a lens cleaner."
   


2. Distortion on the line-in on the right deck: some switch on the back was on "phono" rather than "line."  I assume this fucks up the level of pre-amp, hence why the sound was so fucked up for the guest DJ when we tried putting her on the line-in on the right deck, whereas her sound had been great on the left.  I never thought to check this at the time because given my DJing habits, there is no reason whatsoever why that switch should have ever been touched to begin with.  Oh well, we know now.  And incidentally, this may also explain some of the other guest DJs' sound problems in the past, as I seem to recall they were also putting their sound through my right deck.

So I think everything is fine now.  Had it not been, I do have back-up decks (more specifically diss_tress has them right now), and darkenstein just bought the next-model from my current decks.  But even better than having back-up plans is not having the problem to begin with.   In any case, thanks to hindmost for offering input that led to a solution for #1, and Z for bringing up the question of pre-amp and thereby making me think that I should check the switch mentioned in #2.

And as always, thanks also to:

• arden_drake, darkenstein, electrohead242, jesse_fantastic, and mauler for helping out on the door
• DJ Science for being a great guest DJ and helping save my ass when my sound wasn't working
• The staff at Soda
• Everyone who made it out to show their support for the night

And here is the playlist:

Paving hassle at my building

I've been shut in at my apartment for the last few days.  There's been paving work in the parking lot, so everyone had to move their cars.  Since I was going to have to put equipment in the car today, my response to this was to move my car on Sunday, before the paving work began, and leave it in the most ideal spot I could find until today.  The alternative would have been to take my chances and risk having to carry my equipment all the way to the Canadian Tire parking lot if I moved my car meanwhile and couldn't park close again.  Ironically though, it looks like the paving work finished early, so my car is already back in its spot now. 

Research

On a note that may or may not be related to the previous re: being "shut in," I sometimes feel like the research stuff is making me crazy.  I will have one day where I have anxiety attacks, get nothing done, and then become more anxious because I got nothing done - which is obviously unhelpful - and other days where I can write 7 pages and it is not a big deal.  I think it is sometimes related to a recurrent "no matter how much I eat when I wake up, I still feel hungry/dizzy/can't concentrate" problem that I've had for most of my life, which no amount of doctor-testing has ever really dealt with, but I'm sure some of it is just a simple matter of being burnt out.

My plan had been to get the whole thesis done during the summer, but I think at the rate things are going I am more likely to be about 75-80% done the draft.  This isn't bad, I guess, but kind of a pain in that it's hard to do the from-scratch writing during term when I am teaching, whereas editing while I am teaching is somewhat easier.  (I need lots of uninterrupted time to get the actual writing done, but with editing there is already something down, so if I get busy for a few days it is easier to come back to.)

I often am in a bad mood about the whole thing because it has become increasingly evident to me that I can't write as much per day now as I did back when I did my MA.  I'm sure there are many reasons for this, some of them (e.g. personal issues since that time, PhD research is more demanding, working at the same time I write) more valid than others (e.g. better social life and better video games than in Lancaster).  Mental upheaval amongst PhD students is by no means rare, so I figure I should accept my stress, procrastination, doubts etc. as normal and not beat myself up over it if I just cannot get done what I wanted to within a particular time period.  Unfortunately though, good intentions alone on this front do not automatically trip the "I should be doing more, goddamn it" -switch to "off."

The good thing about the last few months is that I have definitely gotten enough done to feel sure that I can, if nothing else, finish within the six year limitation period.  It's annoying wasting money on tuition in the meantime, but apparently that alone isn't enough to "make" me write faster.  I've become convinced that writing speed is just not something that I have absolute control over, because it is mentally demanding and it is physically impossible for me to be totally on top of my game all the time every day. 

One other thing I have decided over doing research this summer is that once I am done, I do not want to do any research related to the topic of abortion again for at least a few years, if ever.  It's funny how reading pro-life stuff all day can make you want to kill people. 

Teaching

I found out recently that I start teaching earlier than I thought, September 10 instead of September 13.  It's not that big a deal, but it does throw me a little bit re: my sense of how much time I had left this summer. 

I've been reading a lot of novels that I may be using in one of my classes.  They have all panned out good except for one, which I have decided not to use in that class, because discussing a book with lots of pedophilia and homosexuality with a class of kids just out of high school is not my idea of a good time.  Well, that and I also think the book has too many characters, too many loose ends, tries too hard to be subtle ("What the fuck just happened there - are they having sex or not, for fucksakes?") and various other complaints.  So I'll have to go in tomorrow and talk to the bookstore about what do we do with that book now if I'm not using it for my class.

I also find it funny that a book that was probably borderline-porn back in the 1700s can be taught in a university class as "literature" over 300 years later.

Chimera and other events

In an apparent twist of irony given my past complaining about it raining when I DJ, it seems to me that today is one of the hotter days of August so far. 

I'm thus really glad that I have a guest DJ coming for Chimera, as it will be much more comfortable for me if I can go outside now and then during the evening when the weather is like this.  As has been mentioned before, it gets pretty hot inside of Soda.

Dog #1: the big dumb stray who comes and goes.

Dog #2: the toy poodle bitch who, rumor has it, may have forgiven the big dumb stray for previously abandoning her.

Dog #3: the yappy puppy who has apparently also forgiven the big dumb stray for previously abandoning him.

Fucking.  Brutal.  Seriously people.  Are you that pathetically hard-up for friends?

None of you are Christians, where do you get the idea that forgiving people who treat you like shit is a good idea?  The actual Christians I know, know better than that, for fucksakes. 

In the future I look forward to laughing at all you idiots the next time you whine and cry at your little facebook pity party about how you got "betrayed" again.  If you still believe anything good about the sociopathic piece-of-shit by now, you deserve whatever you get.

Prodigal sons be damned.

Oh, and on a more positive note, here's dog #4:

Also: this is apparently my thousandth entry.  (Counting all topics, that is, though I'd forgive those thinking that I mean the thousandth entry on this topic alone. )

"For Fucksakes" is kind of a strong term for this particular entry, but since it is about something that does exasperate me somewhat, I'll still go with it.

This article about research at Chernobyl was on the BBC today.  I was particularly interested in these two paragraphs (bolding is mine):

"One of the difficulties of such research is that it isn't really an experiment - it is impossible to control for all of the confounding variables.

"But [the scientists] have been very careful to test all of the other factors that could be important - antioxidants, population size, body size, etc. of bird species and it appears... that there is a shared causal relationship between accumulating mutations over time and the ability to withstand radiation."

I can't help but notice that I have never seen a disclaimer of this kind in any science article in the mainstream press that is about human research, even though you'd think it would be blindingly obvious that such "confounding variables" would be even more in abundance there.

i.e. "scientists" whose "experiments" take the form of "let's do something in a lab with a tiny group of white college students and then extend the findings to the entire human race": this means you.

The lack of this sort of thing is to me all the more indicative that a lot of human research just sets out to prove something that people think they already know.  e.g. that all women really deep down want to be mothers, that fat people are intrinsically stupid, or what have you.  "Surely this is natural since if it isn't, I might actually have to question the way I look at the world and/or stop putting people into narrow little boxes that disallow them from full self-determination!"  Yeah, awesome. /sarcasm

Similar point made in slightly different words in a book that I'm currently reading:

Medawar (1984) has argued that science should not be thought of as the application of an essential method, but as attempts to solve problems using whatever methods appear to produce reliable and useful results.  Chalmers (1990) has supported this view, arguing that we underestimate the extent to which methods and standards in the natural sciences have changed - and are still changing - not in pursuit of the scientific method, but pragmatically, to suit the circumstances of the time... Scientists do not apply quantification to decontextualized objects in laboratories because to do so is intrinsically scientific, but because they can make useful statements about objects by doing so.  These objects have no social life, culture or language; whether studying decontextualized individuals who have all three will enable us to make useful statements about people, is another matter entirely. (Mary Boyle, "Re-Thinking Abortion," 4)

Boyle's point in bringing this up is that if you round up a bunch of women who have had abortions, take them to a lab and make them fill out questionaires about how depressed they are, that doesn't necessarily prove that abortion is intrinsically traumatic by nature.  It could just as easily demonstrate that our culture has unhealthy discourses about how women are nothing if they aren't mothers, in which case maybe the way to lessen trauma from abortion would be to culturally widen the view of what makes women's lives worthwhile, as opposed to assuming abortion is always traumatic and using that as a rationale to ban it.

On a sidenote, this book also (like several others I've read) has a fair bit to say about the oppression of women through medical discourse.  e.g. "women shouldn't go to university because it is bad for their fertility (but let's not worry about men's fertility in this intrusive way even though it takes two to make a baby)," "women shouldn't vote because menstrual cycles make them irrational (whereas men are never irrational!)", etc. 

And I just wanted to note that reading that kind of thing often is partly why I get so annoyed with people who are all hardcore about "religion = oppression, bad! science = enlightenment, good!".  The demonization of religion should not be used to place science on such a contrastingly high pedestal that nobody is "allowed" to criticize the possibility of it also promoting oppression.  It's all well and good to say that science used that way is no longer science, but that doesn't seem to change the fact that there are members of the stupid masses out there who nonetheless go around labelling things as "science" in order to discourage others from questioning them (the previous paragraph providing some good examples).  I would really like to see more scientists criticizing this in order to preserve the "purity" of real science, rather than quietly going along with it because it bolsters the social prestige of their discipline. (That statement is not meant to imply anything about how many scientists actually act which way, I'm just saying, it's my ideal regardless.)

Anyway, I should probably be doing my real research instead of blabbing about this sort of thing on here.

As some of you know, my PS2 has been temperamental for the last while, randomly deciding it doesn't feel like playing certain games and so forth.

I grasp that the rational response to this is probably not: to put up with it until it becomes intolerable and then smash it, but too late now. 

(For the record: I smashed it because it pissed me off and was evidently not working anyway; it having been a present from the ex way back in the day is incidental, and if someone else had gotten it for me that would not have saved it from the Jinx-smashy of the current scenario.)

Seeing as how the most recent round of not-working seemed to begin right after some other random bullshit with my system - the TV/VCR/everything randomly turning itself on and off due to the shitty plugins in my apartment - I think I'd best address that before I worry too much about getting another system.  That said though, I'm curious which of the following two options I should go for:

1. Buy another PS2
   Pro: I have lots of PS2 and PS1 games that I still want to play
   Con: Z has a PS2 anyway and given the long-term prospects there it seems kinda pointless to end up with two between us
   


2. Buy a Wii
   Pro: More exercise games and more party games, excuse to buy a different version of Phantom Brave that has extra episodes and only costs $20
   Con: Can't play all the PS games, costs more than PS2 (but not way more if it's a refurbished unit), will probably inspire the urge to re-buy Rock Band but I still won't be able to download new tracks

I should point out that playing Phantom Brave and/or Disgaea is my absolute #1 priority here; if I can't do that, I don't even care about having the systems right now.  In fact, were it not for having $400 of saved grocery gift cards that I'm using this month, I wouldn't have the money and would just have to wait a few months before I could do anything about this anyway. 

Any thoughts?  I have a strange feeling I know what hindmost is going to recommend... 

It's been a busy few days on the events front.  I didn't get around to posting the Hydra playlist yesterday because I went to the Mannequin Depressives / Hydraulic Empire / MindKontrolUltra show at the Republic that night. 

I always like seeing Hydraulic Empire in concert, as I think their stageshow is better than most.  (Which is really basically saying that the lead singer is more expressive than most, since the other two guys are hunched over equipment most of the time, but still, the point stands.)  I thought the sound was not the best as compared to past Hydraulic Empire or Mannequin Depressives shows, but it was still a fun time.

As for Hydra though: definitely a more satisfactory turnout than Pandaemonium was having, and also better than past times that Promonium Jesters have come to town.  I always like seeing them, but I was also really blown away by the other band, Nanochrist. 

Furthermore, it turns out that one of the guys from Nanochrist DJs in Toronto, and I have to say that given the legendary snobbery of Toronto it is pretty ego-boosting to hear a Toronto DJ say that he thinks my DJing is way better than he'd have expected from Calgary, and/or be generally complimentary and enthusiastic about the music selection.

All in all then the night went well.  There were a few "wrath of Jinx" instances, but nobody got maimed and/or kicked out so I won't dwell on it here.  Suffice to say that I hope the bar benefited from the individuals in question, because if such is not the case, I can't say as I'd exactly miss them at future events...

Thanks to:

• cadredlight, darkenstein and mauler for helping out on the door
• Promonium Jesters and Nanochrist for putting on a great show
• The awesome staff at Soda (incidentally they built a new DJing stage now, along the side of the dance floor rather than in the corner - I'll be curious to hear what people think of it when Chimera rolls around)
• Everyone who made it out to show their support for the night

Here is the playlist from between when the bands were playing:

Those silly dogs - they even think the plain old floor tastes awesome!

Useful entries (e.g. Hydra playlist and such) resume tomorrow... or, I guess, more accurately later today.

Edit: comments temporarily closed due to large quantities of spam attempts.

It is not my intention to get back into talking about this topic all of the time. 

However, it is almost impossible to not encounter rumours via the overlap of social circles.  And such having occurred, I feel the urge to comment on them.

Recently I wrote:

And even as far as the dog himself goes, I admittedly am unsure as to whether this particular dog is just turning around to sniff the vomit, or is in fact lapping it up and/or rolling all over it with full retarded canine enthusiasm, overjoyed that it is even more awesome than eating cat shit or licking used gum off the sidewalk.

I heard a few things tonight that suggested to me that, not only is the case toward the latter end of the spectrum, but there may actually be more than one dog involved in this entertaining behaviour. 

In fact, rumour has it that the latter bitch (which term I of course use only because I'm referring to, say, a female toy poodle) may possibly be so enamoured of this returning-yet-again-to-one's-mistakes activity that not even a slap in the face will dissuade her. 

Which, one could argue, proves (contrary to what ignorant people tend to think) that being a bitch is not the same as being a feminist.

I am actually more tolerant than most people of the idea that there is a place for face-slapping, specifically the consensual bedroom context.  (For the slow ones in the audience: to be clear, we are now talking about people rather than dogs. ) 

I do not get the impression however from what I heard that that is the context here... particularly since if it were, such would imply that the individual in question had ceased to be "boring in the bedroom," and I heard more than enough complaining about that in the past that I would be very surprised indeed if anything changed with time.

It seems, after all, that certain things utterly fail to change with time.

That's okay though: You keep forgiving those who persecute you and martyring yourself for ingrates, and I'll keep condemning the guilty and tormenting the damned.  Put it that way, and it's blindingly obvious why we'll be enemies for life.

On a more constructive note: for Satansakes, if someone hits you in the face on top of cheating on you, talking about you behind your back, making you sound like a miserable nag who he despairs of being the only woman he sleeps with, and then walking out so abruptly as to clearly show what a piece of trash you are to him, don't fucking go back to him or associate with him in any way whatsoever.  If you do, don't be surprised if everyone who hears of you despises you and is genuinely puzzled as to why you don't kill yourself if you're that completely worthless.  Furthermore, if you are going to reward him so richly for being an asshole, and thereby imply that there's nothing wrong with him mistreating women, at least don't even imply ever again that you are in any way a feminist. 

At least the rare times I've rewarded someone for being an asshole, it's been in the context of rewarding effective sadism rather than incompetent romantic-relationship-behaviour.  (These days I repent even that, but that's another entry.)

To repeat my earlier disclaimer on this: yes, I know, it's all rumours, maybe nothing of the sort is even going on.  Maybe there was one encounter and it ended with the sort of fuck-off that it deserved.  If so, I'd be happy to say congratulations.  But given the amount of damage already done to whatever little faith I had in human nature (i.e. rationality, consistency, integrity, self-evolution, pride, etc.) by the two people I'm implicitly ranting about here, you'll have to forgive me if that's not what I see as the most likely reality. 

Final point for now: as I've said before while making these rants, I do not believe in the "right" to "be stupid in peace."  Any comments hand-wringing about how mean I am to either the big dumb wandering stray mutt or the poor little abused poodle will be considered in that category and deleted.  If you feel all self-righteous because you're their "friend" or whatever, it should be blindingly obvious by now that the biggest favour you can do to them is to avoid me and those who talk to me as much as possible, and thereby starve the fuel of the hellfires around here.