I've been trying to write something about Satanism for a few days now, but between being busy with school and distracted by a) clubbing, Blixa, etc. and b) certain 'social' opportunities made possible by my parents' absence , I haven't got much done. All the more so since it is a rather large and complicated subject, what with my not being strictly or maybe even loosely LaVeyan (Church of Satan) these days, yet still feeling as though the adjective 'Satanic' is somehow appropriate to me.

By way of an opening, I can say that I don't 'worship' Satan, nor do I believe that Satan literally or straightforwardly exists whereas God does not, nor do I believe that God and Satan both exist and that I have given allegiance to the latter. Rather, my view of the world is primarily scientific/psychological - albeit with some room for uncanny phenomena - and as such I consider myself Satanic because on some level, I find the narrative of Satan's fall to be a compelling metaphor that enlightens my understanding of my own life, purpose, view of the world around me, etc. In this I am basically consistent with LaVeyan Satanism.

So what of this narrative? For a Satanist, Satan's rebellion against God is a manifestation of pride as much as it is for the Christian, but Satanists see pride as a good thing, the idea being that if you don't believe in yourself, people will always step on you and you're never going to get anywhere in the world. But the Satanist also sees Satan, in his rebellion, as a representative of such qualities as critical thought (as opposed to just accepting what you're told and preconceived notions about 'the way things are'), independence and inner strength in the face of overwhelming odds (this is God we're going up against after all.)

Other narratives about Satan can be interpreted so as to highlight other features of interest to the Satanist:

• In the book of Enoch, there is a story that a number of angels fell because they taught humans how to use technology such as weapons, cosmetics, the occult sciences, medicine, etc., and God apparently had a problem with this. The Satanist may thus associate Satan with knowledge, particularly the kind of knowledge that makes people harder for the powers-that-be to control.
• Satan is a tempter, hence associated with such things that tempt as lust, wrath/violence, greed, etc. The Satanist's view with regard to these so-called sins is that human beings ought to be able to make their own reasonable decisions as to when it is appropriate to indulge oneself and when it is appropriate to indulge only in one's imagination; the Satanist rejects religion's penchant for absolutist pronouncements that this-or-that is wrong in any and all circumstances, and rejects also the idea that 'sinning in one's own heart' is such a terrible thing - if you're an animal with animal urges, at least admit to yourself that this is what you are is the basic idea here. A related idea is the thought that maybe one should enjoy this life and this world instead of worrying about a life and world beyond that either doesn't exist or that we can't know anything about until we get there.
• Satan chooses his own will in opposition to God's. i.e. he is ultimately selfish. So, also, is the Satanist, who as a result values such things as:
  • Survival and self-preservation, one's own above anyone else's.
  • One's own will and desires - this doesn't necessarily mean that one doesn't care about others at all, but that if one is put in a dilemma, one will look out for oneself first.
  • Self-awareness and a brutal drive to root out self-deceit, because if one lacks this, one cannot know one's own will and desires.
  • Strength, cunning, resourcefulness, adaptability, etc. because these all contribute to self-preservation and/or getting what one wants.
  • A rather Darwinian view of people who lack these qualities - if you're too weak to stand up for yourself, that's your problem, not mine.

In all of this then, my own views are quite similar to those typical in the Church of Satan. I also agree with the CoS in their supposition that the above applies not only normatively (i.e. the Satanist should act in accordance with the values mentioned) but also descriptively (i.e. many ordinary people already do act in accordance with a good deal of this - i.e. they tend toward rebelliousness, self-indulgence, egocentrism, etc. - and if they purposely adopted Satanic values they would at least be more consistent in their day-to-day behavior instead of wasting time repenting about things they aren't really sorry about and being ashamed of perfectly natural urges, etc.).


On the other hand, there are a few aspects of CoS-style Satanism that I don't get along with so well:

Vengeance: CoS Satanism is very pro-revenge, on the basis that revenge is a show of strength. I agreed with this during my angry teen years, but I've since decided that actually revenge is a show of weakness because it basically says "I lack the strength to get on with my life until I avenge whatever has been done to me." I do agree with the Satanic idea that, like any other 'sin', revenge isn't necessarily wrong absolutely and/or in principle; it's just that I think adaptability may actually be a better index of 'true' strength than sheer violent or coercive power is.

Clashes with feminism and other left-leaning thought: This is an issue that causes me not so much to disagree with CoS Satanism, but to qualify certain points. That Darwinian bit, for instance. I do think that there may be oppressive structures in place in societies that make it unrealistic and unfair to hold people to a standard of rugged self-empowered action at all times. On the other hand though, I do admit that, for example, whenever I hear about women who go back to men who abuse them, and that kind of thing, there is a big part of me that's like "this person does need help and support, but ultimately, if they don't make good use of those resources and decide for themselves that they aren't going to take this shit anymore, it is on some level their fault if it keeps happening." Again, this is a qualification of the principle involved, but I do still emphasize personal responsibility quite a lot more than I think your stereotypical left-wing "bleeding heart" sort does.

Incidentally, I am also aware that Satanic principles are hugely complicit with capitalism, but quite frankly, I am just Satanic enough that I really don't give a fuck about that.

Conflict between Satanic egocentrism and postmodern views of identity: I'll try to be as plain about this as possible. Basically, if you start asking complicated philosophical questions like "what is the self?", "does the self exist separately from social roles that we play?", "how is formation of the self complicated by psychoanalytic factors in early childhood?" etc., it starts to become difficult to build an ethos around 'selfishness.' Put another way, I'm fully willing to admit that I don't know myself fully, and that there are aspects of myself that I think I can only understand in relation to others and my relationships with them. Thus, I think one does need to take others more seriously than CoS Satanism does, even if one's primary orientation is nonetheless self-centred.


Anyway though, as well as these points of disagreement or qualification, there are also a few elements that are important to me on a philosophical/existential/spiritual level that I think fit in well with the themes of Satanism, but which are not really brought up or emphasized in LaVey's Satanic thought:

The theme of isolation/alienation: Throughout most of my life, I've gotten a sense that, due to being as intellectual, analytical, etc. as I am, there is some kind of intuitive collective human consciousness that I am shut out of - not even by my own choice, but because I cannot stop myself from thinking, I can never just 'be in the moment' and/or 'experience a sense of human community' and/or 'become one with the universe' and/or 'intuitively know that such-and-such person is the one' and all that other Romantic (in the sense of spiritually-Romantic) sort of stuff.

This has long caused me to feel that I am in some sense alien, a stranger to human society/culture, cast out by my own refusal to stop questioning and just accept that "maybe that's just the way things are" about anything. What's more, the older I get the more I realize that I don't even really want to be included, I just want my own separate 'alien' experiences to be respected, for people to take seriously the idea that maybe not everyone feels and experiences and etc. the world/universe the way that they themselves do and that such differing experiences may just be different rather than inferior. And there is something about this alienation and my ambitions regarding it that feels profoundly Satanic to me.

"I'll be your devil if you admit you're mine": Even in my teens, one of the things that drew me to Satanism was what I saw as the implicit implication that, if you go around claiming to be Satanic, you are basically saying "you know, I can understand how from your point of view I may appear to be evil/the bad guy." Which I think is a hell of a lot more enlightened of an attitude than one finds in your typical self-righteous religious context, or even amongst people generally: I've long thought that there are too many people running around thinking that they are 'obviously' the good guy and that this should be 'obvious' to everyone else, never considering that 'everyone else' has different values, perspectives, etc. to the point that the very concept of 'obvious' becomes rather absurd.

In short, there was always a part of me that wanted to say "Well, you may be so weak that you have to make all this noise about being right to prove yourself to me, but I'm stronger than you, so I can just admit that from your perspective I may be wrong." Also a note here of "You may need my approval but I don't need yours."

Lilith: Mythologically, Adam's first wife who was too strong-willed and independent for him - God had her replaced, on Adam's behalf, with the more docile Eve, while Lilith ultimately became Satan's mate instead. Something about a female Satanic figure makes a lot of sense to me, partly because I think standing up for oneself, being more independent, rejecting guilt and shame, etc. are values particularly pertinent to the feminist cause, plus I've had visions like this one which, in accordance with some Qabalistic thought (to say nothing of many other philosophies), link the feminine with matter, darkness and "evil" and the masculine with spirit, light and "good." I don't want to make too much of the gender issues here, since my creative muse I envision as a male Satanic figure, but I do think my attraction to the 'dark feminine' and my attraction to Satanism are related in at least some sense.


So there's a fairly quick-and-dirty rundown of my own form of Satanism. Will probably write a bit more in the future about a few sub-issues, such as magick and its implications; ethical issues such as whether and in what way concepts like honor, trust, etc. apply to a Satanist; maybe a bit too about how in Satanism there tends to be a blurring between the ethical perspective and the aesthetic perspective, and whether and to what extent this may result in relativism. But I'll end here for now as this is already more than long enough.