The following uber-rantiness was written originally as part of the preivous entry re: what someone really means when they turn down a relationship saying "I just think of you as a friend", but since that one was so long and I didn't want this to get lost, I've decided to post it here separately instead - especially since it is a tangent to that issue anyhow.

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And now, a pet peeve of mine...
Why is it that it is socially acceptable still amongst so many people to say things like "(All) Men/Women act a certain way / are a certain way", yet if you put any other category in place of Men/Women in such a sentence - e.g. All Africans, all Jews, all fat people, whatever - it is blindingly obvious that you are being stupid and obnoxious in a way that it is apparently not when generalizing about gender?

And even asking this I can just hear some dope in the audience getting ready to comment: "uh, it's okay because men/women really are that way! huh huh huh, I am so clever and funny..." Die, seriously.

That is: If you are a bitter, sad, pathetic bitch/bastard who thinks that just because man/woman X, Y and Z broke your heart, therefore you suddenly know everything about all men/women in the world who have ever existed and can speak with authority on their nature, behavior et al, you are an idiot.

Furthermore, if you write/say some generalization about "all" men/women, and you then somehow expect that people are supposed to magically read in some sort of reasonable qualification that you yourself don't explicitly put in - "come on, you all know I'm not sexist, of course I meant most men/women, even though I conveniently failed to write that" - I really don't think you can complain when people like me come along and throw things at you.

In other words: If you meant most you should have said/written "most", not "all": if you omitted "most" in favor of "all" in order to be bombastic, then don't complain when someone calls you on your bombast. 'Venting' is no excuse: if one or two Africans/Jews/whatever piss you off, is it suddenly 'okay' to say things like "I hate (all) Africans/Jews/whatever, they are all the same, all out to fuck you over" etc. because you are 'venting' now? Somehow I doubt it. So STFU with the "(all) Men/Women... " garbage, or at least don't act all confused about why other people are 'so oversensitive' when they call you sexist over it.

Not that people can't write whatever the hell they want on their own journals, of course - just being clear about what pisses me off and why, which does not mean you are obligated to care. I do realize that talking this way re: "(all) Men/Women... " is apparently widely accepted behavior whether I like it or not, which is why I try not to constantly argue about it on other peoples' journals, and save the potential for seven-kinds-of-flaming for cases when such things are said by others on my journal...

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Hmm. Reading this back: to be clear, I'm not necessarily saying that I immediately dismiss any general trend someone may try to cite about one or other of the genders. My problem is more that:

1. When doing such things, people don't make it clear that they are talking about a general trend, and make it sound as if what they are saying applies to absolutely everyone of the gender in question. I will admit myself, it does even seem to me that there are certain traits that many men seem to share, and certain traits that many women seem to share. But if I mean 'many' I say 'many,' not 'all' - apparent refusal to admit exceptions is what pisses me off, especially if the generalization in question is something about women that I don't see in myself. So what is the implication then, that either [I unknowingly possess this trait that I despise] or [I am not a 'real' woman in your world]? How about option #3: Fuck off and don't try to tell me what I am.


2. Usually when someone cites a general trend about the genders, they make it sound like a matter of inborn nature instead of a matter of socialization. This worries me because biological 'facts' have long been used to justify oppressive social circumstances. For example, in the past it was claimed that intellectual endeavor would harm women's fertility, and since it is the 'biological destiny' of women to bear children, 'clearly' they must be kept out of the universities. I'm not saying biology should be ignored, but I am disturbed by how easy it is to justify an oppressive arrangement as how things 'must' or 'should' be because "that's how God / Mother Nature / whatever made men and women."


3. Honestly, when this pet peeve discussed above annoys me the most is when someone gets burned in a relationship and then turns around and starts going on about men/women in general. It just seems so blatantly ridiculous. Enlightened people generally seem to accept that it is not legitimate to move from "I had a problem with one African guy" to "Africans are bad people," or from "One Jewish guy ripped me off" to "All Jews are out to rip you off," so why is it ok to move from "My boyfriend/girlfriend burned me" to "All men/women are bastards/bitches"? Are you 'joking'? If so, why exactly is this supposed to be 'funny'? You cannot establish a general trend from one person, or even from a small sample of people such as one is likely to encounter relationship-wise. Why is it not enough to just say "this one man/woman was a bastard/bitch" and leave it at that?

*Sigh*... Last thought for this rant: I like to think people put more thought into what they're saying when they're around me because they know I'm going to analyze it to death. The world would be more in accordance with my personal preferences if more people did this and thereby discouraged others from making poorly thought-out / poorly-worded statements.